Disgruntled associate bids farewell to firm

I received the following forwarded e-mail message this morning. I'm not sure as to its authenticity, but the long list of accomplices perpetuating it through cyberspace vouch that the dude is/was at Paul Hastings. Whatever the case, it's still amusing.

As many of you are aware, today is my last day at the firm. It is time for me to move on and I want you to know that I have accepted a position as "Trophy Husband". This decision was quite easy and took little consideration. However, I am confident this new role represents a welcome change in my life and a step up from my current situation.

While I have a high degree of personal respect for PHJW as a law firm, and I have made wonderful friendships during my time here, I am no longer comfortable working for a group largely populated by gossips, backstabbers and Napoleonic personalities. In fact, I dare say that I would rather be dressed up like a piñata and beaten than remain with this group any longer.

I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated associates into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.

May the smoke from any bridges I burn today be seen far and wide.

Respectfully submitted,

>[Some Dude]

ps. Achilles absent, was Achilles still. (Homer)

I thought we'd be the Jetsons by now

The 2005 model year cars are now appearing in showrooms. MSN has the pics. Yeah, a lot of them are impressive. That Aston Martin DB9 is pretty phat. I wouldn't mind owning that Lotus Elise (not in yellow though). And even that Mini convertible would be fun to drive, just as long as my friends don't catch me.

Admittedly though I can't help but be disappointed. Growing up, I thought for sure by now we'd all be flying around in hovercrafts, like in Fifth Element. Unfortunately, we're still all driving around in the same old automobiles with their boring internal combustion engines. How cliche? Where's the development?

By 2000, I thought: hovercrafts, meals in pill form, and at a base minimum, a cure for male pattern baldness. But nothing. Not one these. What happened? I'll tell you what happened. The Internet came. Oh, yeah, it's a godsend. The Information Superhighway, able to reach everyone and everybody by the click of a button.

Where has that landed us? Now, every pervert the world over can access the Internet to download the latest digitally enhanced child snuff film. Or the anarchist in Bangladesh can communicate with his degenerate brethren in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, to coordinate a terrorist attack. Fantastic.

Some may argue that we've regressed. Instead of taking the road less traveled and creating things, the majority of humans opt for destruction or sexual gratification by default.

I want my hovercrafts! Gosh darn it. Now who's going to build me one?

Amazing Quiz!

HAT TIP: reader Nate M.

What's up, Fallujah, what's uuup???

On Sunday, for example, scores of masked mujahedeen, shouting "Allahu Akbar," or God is Great, paraded four men stripped down to their underpants atop the back of a pickup truck that drove through the city. Their bare backs were bleeding from 80 lashes they had received as punishment for selling alcohol. They were taken to a hospital where they were treated and released.

Residents said a man found intoxicated last week was flogged, held overnight and released the next day.

Fallujah's women hair stylists shut down their shops several months ago after repeated attacks blamed on Muslim militants.

On Tuesday, the mujahedeen expanded their "clean-up" campaign. About 80 masked, armed men, accompanied by local police, forced hundreds of street hawkers at gun point to clear out from the streets and confine their businesses to designated areas.

The masked men later moved to the city's used car market and "persuaded" dealers to move away from the city centre because they were blocking traffic. In both cases, the police stood by without intervening.

According to residents, barbers have been instructed not to give "western" haircuts - short on the back and sides and full on top - or to remove facial hair. Four youths with long hair were stopped at a market by mujahedeen Sunday and marched to a public market where they were shorn.

"Are we Muslims, or not?" asked Abdul-Rahman Mahmoud, a 40-year-old father of three. "We are. So, we must apply God's laws. The mujahedeen's word is heard and respected, and the same goes for our clerics."

There is little sign of opposition to the mujahedeen, though it could be that some people are simply afraid of confronting armed men.

Sheik Omar Said of the Fallujah branch of the Association of Muslim Scholars, a Baghdad-based organization created last year to defend the rights of the Sunni Arab minority, insists that nearly everyone in Fallujah really wants Islamic law.

Hmmm... so we invade Afghanistan, then we pull troops out of Afghanistan to send them to invade Iraq, then cities in Iraq end up looking like Afghanistan before we invaded it?

Versatile Solutions to Modern Living

So I was eating lunch at a sandwich joint today. Choosing the sandwich was easy (they had real turkey). But I was, once again, completely vexed by the chips selection. Do I go oily and good tasting(Ruffles or Fritos) or healthy and cardboard tasting (Baked Lays or pretzels)? But I wanted something else. Something relatively healthy yet tasty. Dejected, I opted for the pretzels.

In discussing this modern-day Hobson's choice with a colleague, it dawned on me. Bags of cereal! Lunch joints, Subway and Cosi, should sell single-serving bags of cereal (chuck the box), just like they sell the bags of Doritos and potato chips.

Just imagine the possibilities: Cap'n Crunch along with your beef sammy. Cookie Krisp or Trix to cap off your lunch of Southwestern chicken salad and soup. On the healthier side, Chex or Granola Crunch as your side.

How can the cereal companies allow this opportunity to slip through their greedy little hands? The US, better known as Fast Food Nation, is in crisis-mode with spiraling obesity rates and weight-related health problems galore. In light of this, Congress has strong-armed the McDonalds and Burger Kings of the world to offer healthier choices.

Well, here's your chance, Kelloggs. Leave the cottage cheese and carrot sticks to the serious dieters. Just give me my Count Chocula! The world is waiting.

Blumenthal, the Bard

Sum it up for us, Sid.

Washington, which was just weeks ago in the grip of neoconservative orthodoxy and absolute belief in Bush's inevitability and righteousness, is now in the throes of agonizing events and being ripped apart by investigations. Things fall apart; all that was hidden is revealed; all sacred exposed as profane: the military, loyal and lumbering, betrayed and embittered; the general in the field, Lt. Gen. Sanchez, disgraced and cashiered; and the most respected retired generals training their artillery on those who have ill-used the troops, still dying in the field; the intelligence agencies, a nautilus of chambers, abused and angry, its retired operatives plying their craft with the press corps, seeping dangerous truths; the press, hesitatingly and wobbly, investigating its own falsehoods; the neocons, publicly redoubling their passionate intensity, defending their hero and deceiver Chalabi, privately squabbling, anxiously awaiting the footsteps of FBI agents; Colin Powell, once the most acclaimed man in America, embarked on an endless quest to restore his reputation, damaged above all by his failure of nerve; everyone in the line of fire motioning toward the chain of command, spiraling upward and sideways, until the finger pointing in a phalanx is directed at the hollow crown.

This should be printed in history books.

Latest National Poll

Kerry/McCain would trounce Bush/Cheney ticket.

Although I'd cherish the day that this would ever become reality, I can't see it happening. McCain initially receptive to the idea has become more and more dismissive. (I saw him a couple of weeks ago on the Daily Show.)

My take on it is that it would be political suicide. Assuming a Kerry/McCain victory in '04, then what? Kerry/McCain in '08? McCain for president in '12? As a Democrat? That would probably upset his Arizona constituency. And where does Hillary factor into the scenario? I thought she was running in '08.

Would McCain be willing to risk it all just for a position as vice-president? Despite VP Cheney's unparalleled usurpation of power from the second chair, I still doubt McCain would find much utility out of it. He currently wields great power as a Senatorial wild card. He'd just become part of the establishment as Veep.

Then again, it may be his only opportunity at higher office. To his own party, he's already a pariah. How long will he be satisfied just being a outcast GOP senator from a smaller state?

Here he comes to save the day!

For all those toiling in obscurity as thankless Corporate Attys, comes Compliance Man, your new spokesman!

William "The Great Communicator" Clinton

This is interesting (if the chart is too small to read, click on the "expand" icon that appears in the lower right corner). It's a comparison of the approval ratings for the Presidents since Carter over their respective terms.

Look at how closely the tracks of Clinton and Reagan coincide. Reagan started off with a jump, while Clinton staggered a bit, but through most of their terms, the two were roughly equal. Of course, at the end of their terms, each President was faced with a scandal (Reagan: illegally arming foreign killers, Clinton: adultery). At that time, Clinton's respective approval ratings are higher than Reagans. I think it's about time we start lobbying to put Clinton's face on the dime. Or maybe on Mount Rushmore.

Also, look what happened to Bush II on September 11th. Not surprisingly, it's the most dramatic jump on the whole chart, with the most dramatic downslide afterwards. Otherwise, his track is similar to that of his father. And dad's war was actually popular.
HAT TIP: Atrios

What's with Oregon all of a sudden?

The Suntimes reports that radical Muslim cleric Mustafa Kamel Mustafa, also known as Abu Hamza al-Masri, was arrested Thursday in London. He's accused in a U.S. indictment of trying to establish a terrorist training camp in Oregon while providing aid to both al-Qaida and the Taliban, officials said.

I never knew the Beaver State was such a hotbead for terrorism. It seems to be quickly replacing Michigan. First that lawyer with all the terrorist ties and now Mr. Mustafa Mustafa?

I guess no place is safe.

For Crest's Sake...

How about this bit from the upcoming reality series, Apprentice 2:

Contestants had been recruited to sell a new toothpaste, Crest Whitening Expressions, in "Refreshing Vanilla Mint" flavor with scratch-and-sniff boxes. At least one of the teams ended up in Washington Square Park, where it hired a plump 51-year-old woman (apparently a street person) to haul the empty boxes back to the truck and bring the contestants new boxes for the munificent sum of $20.

As the woman worked, she was reported to mumble, "I have to do a good job for Crest." After about an hour, she had worked herself into a trance, and she started rolling on the ground chanting "Crest! Crest! Crest!" Finally, an off-duty EMT technician and another passerby helped the woman back to the Crest truck -- where she promply had a seizure and passed out across the front seats.
After being out for three minutes, the woman awoke, vomited, and then said, "Where's my money?"

I appreciate your dedication to toothpaste, ma'am, but you're fired.
HAT TIP: reader ARM

Open Letter to Jonah Goldberg

Dear Mr. Goldberg,
I cannot understand why you did not devote today's column to tearing the eyes out of the New York Times. Let me explain. I remember when you hollered that CBS had blood on its hands for publishing photographs of U.S. Soldiers abusing Iraqis. Remember? You said "I'm suggesting that CBS should have stopped itself. Now we'll all have to live with the consequences - and some of us will die from them."

Alright, Mr. Goldberg. Point taken (err... not really). You fancy yourself as the media's own watchdog for fingering news publications' mistakes that cost American lives.

Well, today the New York Times admitted that it made a few mistakes of its own in reporting the march to war in Iraq.

... we have found a number of instances of coverage that was not as rigorous as it should have been. In some cases, information that was controversial then, and seems questionable now, was insufficiently qualified or allowed to stand unchallenged. Looking back, we wish we had been more aggressive in re-examining the claims as new evidence emerged — or failed to emerge.

In other words, Mr. Goldberg, the NYT reported certain information in support of the war that should not have been reported. Because of this irresponsible reporting, the American people did not have an accurate picture of the intelligence and only 20% or so of our countrymen objected strongly to the war. As a direct result of our going to war, nearly 1,000 American soldiers and civilians and countless Iraqis are dead (to save you the math, Mr. Goldberg, that is one thousand times more Americans than the one American you accuse CBS of killing).

Maybe as self-appointed Regulator of Media War Coverage That Kills Americans, you are so furious about the NYT's behavior that your stinging accusations will take a few days to put into words (today, I see you wrote about how Senator Hollings is not an anti-semite, just a "buffoon" who is... uh... anti-semitic). I understand that you are working through your fury, which is roughly a thousand times greater than your anger about CBS's behavior, and will wait patiently for your column.

Troy revisited

For those who have seen Troy and were curious as to its historical accuracy, Arts & Letters has an interesting link to an Archaelogy.org article.

For those who haven't seen it...I'd give it 2.5 to 3 stars. It was no Braveheart or Gladiator (Billy, do you like gladiator movies?), but it at least provoked a discussion about modern interpretations of ancient stories and how the newer versions are more telling of us than the people of some ancient civilization.

It also made want to visit the gym more often.

Blogout.

Who is this guy, Leno?

"I figured out Karl Rove's political strategy–make gas so expensive, no Democrats can afford to go to the polls."

--Sen. John Kerry

pic.

Source: Wash Whispers.

When a name says it all.

Hat tip: Matthau.

The "100% fingerprint match" weren't lawyer's after all

The FBI is having a tough couple of weeks. The NYT reports:

Court records unsealed Tuesday showed that the Spanish authorities had raised questions about the F.B.I.'s fingerprint match to the lawyer, Brandon Mayfield, 37, weeks before his May 6 arrest. Yet F.B.I. officials were so confident of a match they described as "100 percent," the court papers show, that they never bothered to look at the original print while they were in Madrid on April 21, meeting with Spanish investigators.

Mayfield, you remember, is the Portland area immigration lawyer/Muslim convert, who was arrested on a material-witness warrant for his possible ties to the Islamic terrorists responsible for the horrific Madrid bombing. He was jailed for 14 days and released when the govt. dropped the entire case against him on Monday.

I guess, for Mr. Mayfield, it could've been worse.

Abu-what?

Salon's take on GW stumbling last night over the infamous prison's name while the world watched:

Is Bush the only American who hasn't discussed the torture scandal enough in the last month to have decided already how to pronounce the prison's name? I've come to say "Abu Ghrabe," with a long A (sounds like "hate"), which Google seems to say is the correct pronunciation. But the point is not to insist there's a clear, written-in-stone right way to pronounce it; there's no time to consult Arabic experts, and that isn't the point. I've heard knowledgeable people say "Abu Gribe," with a long I, as in "spite." Bush's mangled version sounded kind of like "Abu...Guh...rrab," as in "grab," which may be a Freudian take on it, given the groping and sexual abuse that went on there.

But the worst of it was the way Bush got stuck on the word, parsing out the syllables lamely, as though he'd never read or heard them before. In fact the way the prison scandal unfolded seems to indicate that Bush and his advisors really hadn't heard of Abu Ghraib before they invaded Iraq, didn't know about its symbolism as a fortress of terror, or they never would have turned it into the concentration camp it became. It took Salon's Phillip Robertson only a few days in Baghdad last year to suss out the meaning of Abu Ghraib -- he interviewed a poet who'd been imprisoned and tortured there for eight years, and he meditated on the meaning of the awful prison in a great piece last May, a year before Abu Ghraib became a household word.

Abu Ghrabe, Abu Ghribe, Abu Ghrab, it didn't necessarily matter how Bush pronounced it, as long as he showed a weary, fed-up familiarity with the word and all it meant, and a determination to make sure this sort of scandal never happened again. But he didn't. That may have been the most important moment of Bush's speech, and the president fell on his face again, badly.

Sad, isn't it? As for me, I was again embarassed for him.

He's right, I like it too

This weekend the WWII Memorial will be dedicated. The streets near the Capitol will be closed off and there will be much ballyhoo. Amidst all this clamor, however, one cannot forget what a long bumpy road it's been traveling to this point.

Was is it political in-fighting typical of any major memorial that created the stir or were the critics right, the memorial's design is "banal and timid, overly concerned with being well mannered"?

Well, for a person who happened past it on a Saturday bike ride, I must admit I like it. And would recommend it to anyone who cares to listen. (enter cricket noises)

Although I'll leave the descriptions to Slate, NYT, and the Post, my two cents is that the addition of the WWII Memorial was much needed. The grand fountain brings a pleasant and calming presence to a sometimes too somber, sterile, and tragic D.C. memorial setting. The memorial is a nice break from the tear-jerking, almost eerie experiences that you may have at the Holocaust Museum, Vietnam Memorial, and Korean Memorial.

Not to say that WWII isn't emotional enough to truly commemorate the fallen soldiers of the second World War (because it does my eyes welled), but WWII is a memorial that I'd visit over and over. It reminds me a little of when I visited Versailles in France. There, I chilled by the fountain for hours reading and taking in the environment. I can't say that about the Korean Memorial with it's life-sized stone soldiers or the wall of fallen men from Vietnam. Those I just want to flee either in fright or in some sense, shame.

But seriously, each monument should evoke a different emotion. Not all wars are the same. WWI wasn't Vietnam just as the Iraq War isn't WWII. If all were honored the same, it would be senseless to visit more than one. It would be a lot like visiting castles in Scotland, once you seen one, you've seen them all.

WWII is different and if you hear anything this weekend about how bad it is, don't believe them. Experience it for yourself.

The good doctor stirring the pot, again

Hunter S. Thompson has been fuming for quite sometime over the plight of our nation. Now is no exception. New article posted on ESPN.

Drudge has scoop on original wording that essentially compared Abu Ghraib (or Abu G-g-g-g-hraeeb as the President called it last night) to Nazi deathcamps. The peyote must've been really kickin'.

ESPN subsequently changed it. I'm sure it wasn't the first time in his long hallucinogenic-fused career. Keep it comin', doc.

Why you should never put your picture on the Internet.

Amusing site.

They represent the future of our mighty country...

Innovation, teamwork, volunteerism, comaraderie all encapsulated in one photograph.

Hmmmm, what would they do if they only had a rudder?

Source: Boing Boing.

Whoa, this is pretty cool.

A computerized mirage that actually works.

Hat tip: J-walk.

Stop the Presses!

Maybe it was a wedding after all. I'm getting dizzy.

When It Comes To Prisoner Abuse Photos from Iraq....

... there's really only one way to fix everything.

Rumsfeld's all over it.

News from the war: Not a wedding

One of the hazards of volunteering for a political campaign

is that you might get Justin Warfel's job.

Who would have guessed that the source of Malus Darkblade, Pawn of Daemons, would end up in such a humiliating position. Justin, you don't have to do this. You should have told Mr. Ryan that you weren't willing to film Obama while he pees. Maybe you should have just left the campaign altogether and gone back to playing Dragon Dice.

Oh Jack Ryan. How low thou sinketh.

I can never see the sailboat!

Once again my eyes have failed me when it comes to seeing the floating image.

Dagnabbit!

Smithers, Release the Hounds...

Chicago lawyers may be rough, but in New York, they're ruff...

During a deposition in which Kittle was giving sworn statements on Jan. 16, 2002, he referred to letters he had received from (attorney) Fink. He called them threatening, "mad dog lawyer" letters...

At the continuation of the deposition the next day, Friedman said, (attorney) Fink started barking like a dog when Kittle was asked about the letters ...

This really happened, and further validates my longstanding practice of carrying pepper spray to all depositions.
HAT TIP: reader A. Mayle

Trains Vulnerable

Our subway system is gradually upping its security precautions in light of a potential terrorist attack leading up to the Nov. election. From today's Post:

The Department of Homeland Security issued its first anti-terror directive for the nation's commuter rail and subway systems yesterday, calling for wide-ranging precautions including checks of unattended bags, bombproof trash receptacles and the use of explosive-sniffing dogs.

Although I rarely use the Metro opting to cycle in to work, I did notice a security posting about unattended bags and suspicious activity. It said: If you notice a person leave a bag, kindly ask the person near it, "Is that your bag?" If the bag is unclaimed, please contact a station attendant."

Hmmmm. I'm not sure if this attitude is going to work, "kindly ask the person"? In London, at Heathrow, in the underground, if you leave a bag, the bomb squad swiftly comes by and blows it up. That's how you deal with unattended bags. The Brits have seen enough terrorism over the years to know how to prevent it.

"Kindly"? Kindly is for nights out at the theatre or dinner with Barbara at Spago. Quit beating around the bush. Listen sir stooge, if you don't want your fine Corinthian leather briefcase to be blown to smithereens, don't leave it on the seat behind you. That's all. End of story.

You need to put the fear of God into these people. Only then will they truly change their behavior.

What the?

Disturbing story about when foreign adoption goes awry. (may need to subscribe)

Snippet:

Most foreign adoptions conclude happily, and Alex's death is a rarity amid the more than 20,000 foreign children--nearly a quarter of them from Russia--who find homes in the U.S. every year. Yet it sheds light on hundreds of cases in which parents have taken in children only to find themselves overwhelmed by medical and behavioral problems that often are poorly documented in Russian medical records.

Since 1996, adoptive parents have been accused of killing at least 12 Russian children. Experts know of no other country from which so many children have died.

Judge Noonan Review

A law school friend has his review of "Narrowing the Nation's Power: The Supreme Court Sides with the States" by Judge John T. Noonan, Jr. published.
Way to go, buddy.

Since Bush v. Gore, public sentiment continues to grow that the United States Supreme Court does little more than serve divergent political constituencies. Unable to dispel this myth, Noonan’s book definitively unearths how conservative ideologues “legislate from the bench.” The Rehnquist Five’s obsession with abstract judicial and political philosophy continues to inappropriately transfer America’s political voice from the elected to the selected. In addition, the current Court has ultimately become “movement conservatism’s” third rail by consistently undercutting progressive national solutions to societal problems. Striking down various federal statutes and limiting civil remedies, the Court has systematically unencumbered the nation’s most powerful institutions and crippled victim rights.

Effing activist judges...

Note: Among Sean's prior works is a fawning review of Ryan Adam's album "Gold", which was in heavy rotation on our final law school trip with the rest of the guys to Mayleville, Ohio. Very good times.

The Other Stewart's "Living"

If you don't watch the Daily Show, I suggest you start. TiVo it. Jon Stewart has developed into one of our most sensible commentators. He has a kind of South-Park-esque eye for the ridiculous, and a well spirited delivery.

He gave the commencement address this year at his alma mater, William & Mary. He manages to be funny and honest and encouraging without phoniness. It's just effing stellar. Snippet:

I am honored to be here and to receive this honorary doctorate. When I think back to the people that have been in this position before me from Benjamin Franklin to Queen Noor of Jordan, I can’t help but wonder what has happened to this place. Seriously, it saddens me. As a person, I am honored to get it; as an alumnus, I have to say I believe we can do better. And I believe we should. But it has always been a dream of mine to receive a doctorate and to know that today, without putting in any effort, I will. It’s incredibly gratifying. Thank you. That’s very nice of you, I appreciate it.

I’m sure my fellow doctoral graduates—who have spent so long toiling in academia, sinking into debt, sacrificing God knows how many years of what, in truth, is a piece of parchment that in truth has been so devalued by our instant gratification culture as to have been rendered meaningless—will join in congratulating me. Thank you.

But today isn’t about how my presence here devalues this fine institution.

Ha. Read the whole sweet thing.
HAT TIP: reader Sunil B.

Idol Chatter

I unfortunately missed American Idol last night. I instead caught A Streetcar Named Desire at the Kennedy Center. It was delightful.

I heard Jasmine finally was let go (insert tear). Too bad, too sad. For more, check out Yin.

A Quick Word on Chicory

Yeah, that stuff that comes in the Louisiana coffee that coffee junkies rave about. Well, I feel swindled. I long have felt that it was the chicory that made the coffee so sinfully strong somehow increasing the caffeine making for a delightful full-octane beverage.

To my dismay, after an intense google search, I found that chicory is a coffee substitute that actually lessens the level of caffeine in your java.

Chicory, a perennial flower, was brought over from Europe in the early 1700s. It was originally used in coffee as filler during lean financial times or by the poor looking to stretch their coffee supply. Over the years, people, especially in the southeastern United States grew accustomed to it and now many swear by it.

Some other notable benefits of chicory:
--more soluble in water than coffee so less is more;
--purportedly cleanses the blood;
--good for your liver.

That's great and all but where's the caffeine? Just give me my fix, doc.

Anyway, although I'm not ready just yet to chuck my Cafe Dumonde out with the bathwater, I'll continue on with my life-long search for that perfect cup of joe.

Read more on chicory here.

But I Sure Know Where I've Been...

Late night at work researching mechanic's liens against ground leasees in Missouri (any input appreciated), so I ordered some delicious kung pao from Big Bowl to mack in the office. In the elevator on the way down to pick up my delicious food, I was getting my cash all ready (how much do you tip for delivery? is there a standard?) when I noticed this purple stamp on one of my dollar bills:

See where I've been
Track where I go next
www.wheresgeorge.com

Well, I'll tell you, I bounded down the escalator like an elk, tipped the man 10% (is that cheap?) and ran back up here to my office to find out just where this crazy vagabond dollar had been. Answer: Nappannee, Indiana.
This is a little disappointing. I was hoping that dollar # D 55829236 C had more to tell me. Like what it was like to be signed by Paul O'Neill, maybe. Or how its all seeing pyramid symbol had been worshipped by an Opus Dei cult in New York City. At least I hoped it had travelled from coast to coast or been used to buy drugs or something.
Nope. None of that. Instead, it was stamped, along with 217 other bills by a woman named Dawn in Nappannee who works in greenhouses and is "CrAzY for JESUS!" Dawn's little message in a bottle campaign hasn't really paid off so well yet. Only nine people have been curious enough to see where their buck came from. That's including me.
I must say, though, that I am somewhat impressed that the former owner of this dollar once owned a bubble-eyed goldfish.
In any event, I've got to get back to the mechanic's lien. As my fortune cookie says, my "ability for accomplishment will follow with success." Whatever the aitch that means.

Nader/Kerry Coalition

I know it runs counter to my general belief that the more parties the merrier, but the best case scenario for both Ralph Nader and John Kerry is for Nader to stay in the race until the final month or two and then bow out endorsing Kerry. As it stands, Nader can be an unfortunate spoiler for Kerry come November, like Ross Perot in '92, like Nader himself in 2000.

But it doesn't have to be that way. In Europe, where parliamentary systems reign, the minority parties play a larger roll nationally than mere spoiler. Sometimes they form alliances with a larger, not quite majority, party, which in turn begets a larger party that may have the votes to defeat a challenger, which on an individual basis is larger.

Once in power that minority part of the alliance may not have the ultimate say in decision making, but it does hold significant influence in ensuring that their specific platform is addressed. For instance, a green party minority will likely call its majority partner to support and push through its environmental reforms, etc., or risk loss of support.

Back to Nader and Kerry, Nader should stay in the race until the last minute. Both Nader and Kerry have the same goal, defeating Bush. But the likelihood of Nader defeating Bush '43 is as likely as my mechanic pencil right here is a magic wand that has the power to turn people into Ewoks. It just unfortunately isn't going to happen.

Maybe Nader can capture enough votes this time to ensure the Reform Party national funding and increased ballot access for future elections. But realistically, Nader is likely less popular now than he was in '00 when the election was essentially between the lesser of two evils.

Today, the goal for many discontents is defeat of Bush at all costs. If Nader stays in the race, he will make it more difficult for this to occur. Another four years of George W. Bush also means four more years of undermining environmental laws such as the Clean Air Act and Clean Water Act, four more years of denying that global warming exists, and four more years of supporting big business over the little consumer--all these central tenets of Nader's platform.

By staying in the race until late, Nader can push Kerry to not only to adopt certain Reform Party programs and push for military pullout in Iraq, but also Nader can mobolize the scattered discontents to dust off their weathered tie dyes and get out and eventually vote for Kerry--their best bet for any sort of real change.

Gas protest futile

Snopes again to the rescue. This time debunking today's All-American Gas Out.

Try riding your bike for a change instead.

Make it stop!

US helicopters fire on wedding party. 40 dead. (see also)

Idol an Afterthought

I agree with Superstar; Fantasia in a landslide (but fingers crossed). She was absolutely flawless last night and Clive Davis's comments couldn't be any more supportive. It's as if she's in another league--like Lebron playing in high school. Although admittedly I could've done without all the effusive hyperbole about her performance. Everyone knows she was good. Sometimes the judges can overdo it. I realize now more than ever how much the judges seem determined to sway the vote with the litany of dissappointing results the past weeks. Nevertheless, she was brilliant.

It's unfortunate that Jasmine has lasted so long. I even feel that she is getting worse as the rounds go by. In Time this weekend, there's a four-page spread on last week's show. Apparently, Jasmine, described as a sweet, button-cute 17-year-old from Hawaii who looks as if she were drawn by Disney animators, was so set to lose last week that she brought all the judges macadamia nuts and chocolates as parting gifts. After the results show where a obviously more talented but less likeable Latoya was voted off, Jas said backstage, "I feel guilty and bad." Poor kid, it's not your fault.

She'll probably go tonight but here's hoping for a blackout in Hawaii, just in case.

Crock the Vote

The GOP killed two birds with one tricky stone last week. First, they were able to ensure that the nation's unemployed received no additional benefits. Second, they were able to blame Kerry for it.

The one-vote defeat of an extension of unemployment benefits last week has sparked fear among Democrats that Republicans have developed a legislative model that will cast Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) repeatedly in a bad light before the election.

The extension needed 60 votes to pass in the Senate, and 12 Republicans made sure the final tally was 59-40, with only one absentee, presidential candidate Kerry.

At least one Republican senator, Elizabeth Dole (N.C.), was prepared to switch to a “no” vote to make sure the measure was defeated even if Kerry returned to cast his vote, a Democrat charged.

Even if Dole had stood firm, observers on both sides believe the GOP leadership would have been able to turn other Republicans to ensure defeat.

But by calculating the vote to a nicety, the GOP managed to make Kerry appear to be responsible for the defeat because he was a no-show.

But surely all reasonable Americans can see that it was actually the 40 Senators who voted against the bill who ensured its defeat, right? Surely the national news will expose this fraud, right?

Right.

Asked whether Republicans manipulated the outcome of the vote, Eric Ueland, Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist’s (R-Tenn.) deputy chief of staff, flashed a smile and replied: “I have no comment — and that’s on the record.”

Me? Oh, I'm a Lycanthropist.

A Christian website reviews Van Helsing:

A couple issues of probable concern to the Christian parents in addition to the rampant vampirism, the lycanthropy (werewolf-opy) and creating life (Frankenstein) from death (akin to unholy resurrection) include the dedication of an entire family to the fight against evil, promising to not enter into Heaven until they succeed in their quest. This is akin to selling one's soul to Satan. Another issue of probable concern to the Christian parents is the use of "the left hand of God" to describe Gabriel Van Helsing. I don't remember Van Helsing's original first name name but it was not Gabriel. We know who sits and the right hand of God and to equate a mortal man to the left Hand of God is, well, dark.

Uh, yeah. It's supposed to be dark, bro. And this is one of the more favorable reviews of the movie out there.

HAT TIP: reader S. Bhuta

How does your pollution measure up?

Men's Health has the 2004 Toxicity grades for 101 largest US cities. Some notables:

Anchorage, AK D
Atlanta, GA C
Baltimore, MD F
Boston, MA B+
Chicago, IL D+
Cincinnati, OH C
Cleveland, OH D
Columbus, OH C+
Dallas, TX D+
Denver, CO F
Des Moines, IA C
Detroit, MI D+
Honolulu, HI A
Houston, TX F
Indianapolis, IN D
Jacksonville, FL F
Las Vegas, NV A-
Los Angeles, CA D-
Memphis, TN D-
Miami, FL F
Milwaukee, WI D
Minneapolis, MN D
New Orleans, LA C
New York, NY B-
Philadelphia, PA D-
Phoenix, AZ D-
Pittsburgh, PA C+
Portland, OR F
Sacramento, CA B-
St. Louis, MO B+
St. Petersburg, FL A+
San Diego, CA B-
San Francisco, CA B-
San Jose, CA C-
Seattle, WA D-
Washington, DC C+
Yonkers, NY A+

The studies sources: MH's "sources included the Environmental Protection Agency's (EPA) most recent tally of facilities creating hazardous waste; the EPA's Total Environmental Release data (courtesy of Scorecard.org), a.k.a. the amount of that waste being released into the air, water, and land; and, lastly, the number of Superfund sites, places so dirty they qualified for federal cleanup funds."

Everything you never wanted to know about Clamato (and more)

Four things I never knew about Clamato, that is, the tasty beverage that combines tomatoes and spices with a great clam taste!

(1) that it has long been a popular choice among U.S. Latinos (and in Latin America);

(2) that, to the chagrin of loyalists, the producer of Clamato, Motts, unsuccessfully tried to drop clam as an ingredient in order to appeal to a wider audience;

(3) that Mott's has also extended the Clamato line recently, developing Clamato Campestre, with roasted garlic, cilantro and Worcestershire sauce; and more recently, Clamato Energia, which competes in the popular energy drink category led by Red Bull;

(now that's gross)

(4) finally, that Canada's national cocktail is the Bloody Caesar, which is "a concoction that combines Vodka, tomato juice Worcestershire sauce, and mashed clams, with a celery stick garnish."

Read more here.

And if you think that's gross, try Beefamato, for a real nasty little treat.

Hat tip: Sister Hazel.

If Donald Duck was Hitler...

would that make Daisy, Eva Braun?

Just released on DVD: Disney propaganda films from WWII trumpeting the war effort and villanizing the enemy. Included in the pack is Der Führer's Face:

which won the 1942 Academy Award for best short subject, Donald Duck wakes up in "Nutziland," where even windmills, trees and fences are shaped like swastikas. Ordinary Germans are depicted as harsh, militaristic stooges, while Japanese are characterized as grinning fools

Order today!

Hat tip: Travolta.

Read Kaplan today. Seriously, read it.

If today's investigative shockers—Seymour Hersh's latest article in The New Yorker and a three-part piece in Newsweek—are true, it's hard to avoid concluding that responsibility for the Abu Ghraib atrocities goes straight to the top, both in the Pentagon and the White House, and that varying degrees of blame can be ascribed to officials up and down the chain of command.

Only the tip of the iceberg....

And they say that cabbies have the most dangerous occupation...

New Iraqi leader sworn in.

Further reason to abandon the low-carb craze.

Nice hal, Hal.

Terrorist attack in U.S. expected

I'm sorry to be all doomsday on a Moday morning but frankly it's the reality of the day.

White House officials and those in the intelligence community feel a terrorist attack on U.S. soil during the run up to the November elections is imminent. Suspected targets include: (1) U.S. Capitol and other notables in D.C.; and/or (2) smaller targets in large cities such as DC, NY, etc.

I wish I felt safer than I did just after 9/11/01, but with the incidents at Abu Ghraib, our blundering of Iraq in general, Osama still on the loose, and reprehensible stories like this now coming to light, it's hard not to think the Madrid bombing is coming our way.

O'Reilly?

Check this out.

On a recent trip to New York, I visited a gay bar on the Upper East Side, where I met a familiar-looking man wearing an expensive suit and excessive makeup. After a drink or two, I realized that he was one of the star anchors at Fox News Network, that tool of the conservative right masquerading as a “fair and balanced” news operation.

He wouldn’t admit his identity, only that he “worked for News Corporation,” the parent company of Fox, so I played dumb and let him buy another round of martinis.

At 3 a.m. and after more than a few drinks, the closeted Fox star could barely balance on his bar stool.

His solicitations for a date became more intense and desperate. So I told him I was not single and, “not interested dating anyone in closet,” and left him wobbling on his stool.

Which of these guys do you think it was? (hmm, judging by name alone...)

U.S v. Iraq in Extra Innings

Mr. Bush thinks that immersing himself in voluminous, mostly liberal-leaning news coverage might cloud his thinking and even hinder his efforts to remain an optimistic leader.

"I like to have a clear outlook," he said. "It can be a frustrating experience to pay attention to somebody's false opinion or somebody's characterization, which simply isn't true."

uhh...

This is an actual excerpt from Misunderstimated, Billy Sammon's latest love letter to President Bush.

See, Bill wants us to praise Bush's clarity of vision and optimism, but his silly man-crush has caused him to examine Bush with the same tunnel vision that Bush apparently prefers to look at the world. What else could explain this absurd attempt to convince America that critical thinking is actually a bad thing? Our President is so convinced his instincts are right that he doesn't even want to hear opposing viewpoints! Now that's simple leadership in complicated times, or whatever.

We can't stand for this willful ignorance. I hereby propose a collective geurilla effort to "cloud Bush's thinking." We need to sneak little tidbits of reason into places where we know Bush will run across them. Protest with signs in areas where he will be travelling? No, they've already thought of that. Write newspaper articles? Ha. There must be something he reads.

Wait a minute... a chink in the armor:

"He does not dwell on the newspaper, but he reads the sports page every day," Mr. Card said with a chuckle.

The sports page! If we could somehow hide little nuggets of reason, little morsels of sanity, brief depictions of the plight of our nation in there, then maybe, just maybe, we can make Bush's thinking so cloudy that he actually does something reasonable. We're not going to get much help from the athletes themselves. (snip: Charles Barkley wondered aloud to his grandmother once about why their family always supported Democrats. "Because Republicans are only for rich people," Barkley recounted her answering. Sir Charles thought about the explanation for a second, then shot back: "I'm rich!" What pro athletes aren't?)

It looks like our hope lies in one man.
I feel the fear coming on.

Hat Tip: TPM

Derivative of Witty

Cheers to an old friend moving into the blogosphere.

GOP Abuse Watch

Finally, the GOP congressfolk are starting to show a little spine after the President has made a joke of them time and time again. Yes, they had a little meeting and said they're sick and tired of the bruises, the lies, the humiliation at the grocery store.

The meeting was only the latest sign in an accumulating body of evidence that lawmakers are unhappy with the way the administration treats them.

My name is Denny Hastert, and I've been abused by the President.

We love you Denny.

It's not your fault.

UPDATE: I'm Chuck Grassley, and I'm sorry I've let the President get away with it for so long.

“We Republicans have never quite reached the level of competent oversight that the Democrats developed over their 40 years that they controlled Congress,” said Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa), the Senate Finance Committee chairman and one of the few Republicans to pepper the administration regularly with inquiries. “We tried to emphasize legislating, and we’ve delegated so much authority to the executive branch of government, and we ought to devote more time to oversight than we do.”

YOU'RE EITHER WITH US OR YOU'RE AGAINST US

"The arrogance, inconsistency, and unreliability of the administration's diplomacy have undermined American alliances, alienated friends, and emboldened our adversaries."

"Gerrymandered congressional districts are an affront to democracy and an insult to the voters. We oppose that and any other attempt to rig the electoral process."

"Nor should the intelligence community be made the scapegoat for political misjudgments. A[n] administration working with the Congress will respect the needs and quiet sacrifices of these public servants as it strengthens America's intelligence and counter-intelligence capabilities and reorients them toward the dangers of the future."

Ha.

Hat Tip: Kos

The bane known as Atkins

I hope I'm not the only one sick of the "low carb" diet craze. Its presence plagues the food industry with every company trying in vain to leap on the bandwagon. From restaurants with their low-carb menus, to the proliferation of low-carb cookbooks and grating informercials, to the ridiculous products like low-carb cookies, beer, and even wine! Enough already. We all know what's good to eat: grilled fish, chicken, green vegetables are good; deep fried Snickers bars, Double Whoppers with Cheese, a bucket-o-lard are bad.

I can't look at a menu at a restaurant without seeing it or even a magazine, newspaper, or Web site for that matter. Quit following me. I never did anything to you.

Well, apparently for every diet-craze action there's an equal and opposite reaction. Carbohydrate dominated companies, such as Krispy Kreme, are now reporting losses in corporate profits that they directly attribute to the Atkins phenomenon and some shareholders are actually suing because of it.

Frankly, I'm glad Atkins is receiving the blame for something. It wasn't enough that Atkins's founder died of a heart attack. Bacon every morning and 22oz T-bone steaks for snacks will tend to do that to you. Nevertheless, diet obsessed people still swear by it.

I actually hope Atkins continues to be blamed for all our ills: Abu Ghraib, road rage, drive-by shootings, massive layoffs in the tech industry, gaping holes in the ozone, the 17yr cicadas, Rush Limbaugh. You name it. Maybe only then can I read a magazine, eat a white chip macadamia nut cookie, sip some wine, or enjoy the simple pleasure of sitting on my porch drinking a case of beer in peace and quiet.

Nip and tuck?

Did the Olsen sisters have "twin" nose jobs? You decide (see link).

No where near Greta's.

Street Translator: What is "shizzle my nizzle"?

Because it's Friday, I'm trying to avoid my traditional political screeds (that is, until properly provoked). Sometimes, as a professor of mine used to say, you need to rise above the fray. Or in this case below.

In the spirit of my "milkshake" entry, I give you "shizzle my nizzle," a popular phrase uttered most notably by rapper and Girls Gone Wild star Snoop Doggy Dogg (shizzle my nizzle, homie).

Although it's been in use for years, I've never known, or until now cared to know, it's true meaning. From Urban Dictionary,

shizzle my nizzle:
1. meaning I concur or "for sure" my african american brother
2. [definition 2 is X-rated, use your imagination!]

**Comically, a copyright lawsuit was brought in England last year over this very phrase.

Andrew Alcee, the writer for Ant'ill Mob, sued Heartless Crew for "derogatory treatment" of a copyright when they remixed one of his songs. Alcee alleged that Heartless Crew changed the meaning of his terms "shizzle my nizzle", "mish mish man" and "string dem up" to references dealing with drugs and violence, which he claimed "distorted and mutilated" his original tune.

In deciding for Heartless Crew, the Judge found that the definition of "shizzle my nizzle" and others were unclear even after consulting Urban Dictionary deeming the words of foreign origin.

A Tragic Mistake

Idle Implications

I can't say I was terribly surprised that Latoya was voted off last night*, considering my previous ramblings on the subject. I suspect they split the vote again.

But I'm glad it was Latoya rather than Fantasia, my favorite all along. Fantasia's cool, tremendously talented, is blessed with a unique voice, and especially recently has displayed some real emotions on stage, something which I really can't say about Latoya. Don't get me wrong, I think Latoya is talented too. She's up there with Fantasia, but she never really appealed to me vocally, only aesthetically.

That said, I'm sure she'll bounce back. Despite all the boos and jeering directed toward the vote she was incredibly poised. I'm sure she'll be on Broadway in no time. That's really her shtick.

I just hope the idiot press and Elton don't scream bloody racism again. That race card is really getting old. I know racism still exists. All I have to do is return to my old neighborhood in Chicago where the folks all share the same brain (one from the 1950s) and just pass it around like a big dirty bong.

In this case, I just think people have different tastes, that's all. Simon is right. Musical preference is extremely subjective. One person may love Bach. Another 2pac. Another the Scorpions.Others prefer Hootie and the Blowfish. Not everyone out there hears and reacts the same. Who are the judges to say what I must like or dislike? Who are they to say what is good music? I find it troubling that the public is castigated for not choosing "their contestants." We like who we like.

This leads to my next point (or comment): was anyone else offended by the implications of that Ford commercial last night? The song was "Free Your Mind" by En Vogue, which is a song I've always liked, but also a song that talks about racism. To wit:

Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow

I think it's a great and powerful song but what was Idol implicating with it? Are they confirming that the voters are in fact racists thus pressuring them to vote, despite their racism, for those contestants they feel are the most talented? Don't get me wrong, I like Fantasia and Latoya, but I shouldn't be forced to vote for them if my main man is the redhead John Stevens? Maybe I'm tone deaf and really like John's droning voice.

Or was Fox just placating those who feel racism underlies the entire vote?

As others have mentioned before, if racism were so rampant in the Idol vote, why did Ruben win last season and why do African Americans constantly make it to the final rounds? What's more, why do African Americans constantly top the music charts: Beyonce, 50 cent, Michael Jackson (before he dyed his skin)?

Frankly, what it all comes down to is that those decrying racism here are really sore losers. They rooted and pulled for certain contestants and when those contestants don't win, they cry bloody murder. The easiest way they could explain the rejection was the racism just like a "brain drip" college guy labels a girl that turns him down at the bar "a lesbian."

But I digress.

Probably the worst insult you can say to someone without realizing it is that their music preference sucks. Why do children always rebel when their parents criticize the rap they're listening to? "Why are you listening to that crap?" they say. As you get older, it only gets worse:

"Bill, what is this tripe?"

"This is the Blue Oyster Cult; don't you know anything?"

"Well, it blows; it's giving me a headache."

"Go to hell, Steve, I grew up on this. It's better than that Devastatin' Dave you listen to."

"Go to hell, Bill."

"Fine."

Why people are so offended by a musical slight is because musical preference is something that practically defines a person. It cuts so deep into them that it serves as a glimpse into that person's essence, their soul.

The tough thing about it, though, something that in fact eludes the Fox producers, is that it's something we can't control. We can't really prevent. No matter how much you try to sway us.



[*By the way, Idol contestants technically aren't voted off, like Survivor. They are voted on, accentuating the positive, not the negative. But no one really talks that way.]

Kerry's poll numbers staggering

According to The Hill, John Kerry's five-point lead among registered voters in the latest Gallop poll is the strongest for a presidential candidate challenging an elected incumbent in modern times.

Looking at the history of presidential races is one approach. No challenger has ever done as well against an elected incumbent at this point in the cycle. Every incumbent who won re-election had a double-digit lead over his challenger at this stage. Lyndon Johnson led Barry Goldwater by 59 points in the spring of ’64. Bill Clinton led Bob Dole by 14 points, Ronald Reagan led Walter Mondale by 17 and Richard Nixon was ahead of George McGovern by 11.

Of course, some incumbents who went on to lose were doing better than Bush is today. The president’s father led Clinton by six points at this stage but was beaten anyway.

Thus, Kerry’s margin is 11 points better than was Bill Clinton’s at a similar point in time against Bush I. What, you haven’t seen that “Kerry stronger than Clinton” headline?

Only one challenger has ever done as well against an incumbent at a comparable time in the election cycle. Jimmy Carter had a similar six-point lead over the unelected and subsequently defeated Gerald Ford. The nation had just been through the long national nightmare of Watergate and Ford had pardoned Nixon.

Better than Clinton? Another one-term Bush is a strong possibility.

Mightier Than the Sword

For G*d's sakes cover yourselves....

Man ordered to clothe his garden gnomes or face arrest:

While most garden gnomes fish or enact scenes of bucolic tranquillity, ex-army sergeant Tony Watson's models in Barnsley, South Yorkhire, bared their breasts and buttocks, prompting complaints from the public....

One of the gnomes now sports a polka-dot bikini, said local resident John Threlkeld, who passes the gnomes every day on his way to work.

Hat tip: Fark.

No Child Left Behind

....or an alternative title: when campaign slogans are left behind.

From McSweeney's Daily Reason to Dump Bush:

DAY 33:

In 2000 Bush said:
"I am going to ask Congress to bolster the first year aid from thirty-three hundred dollars to five thousand one hundred dollars per recipient of the Pell Grant... Increasing the first-year Pell Grant will make college much more affordable for low and middle income students."

For the past three years the President has cut or frozen the maximum value of the Pell Grant. The administration's new budget for 2005 does not increase the overall value of the grant.

In February 2004, the administration proposed that students who take a "rigorous" courseload in high school get an additional $1,000 added to their Pell Grant.

However, the Bush administration is asking for only $33 million to fund the new program. That is enough for only 33,000 out of today's 15.8 million college students. In 1976 the Pell Grant covered half of the cost of tuition, room and board at a public college. Since then tuition has risen faster than the value of the Pell Grant. The grant now pays for one-fifth of the same costs.

The Education Department predicts that it will fall $3.7 billion short of what it needs to pay all the college students that qualify for the grant this year.

(Source: Bush speech, Hampton, New Hampshire. 8/30/00. http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2004/01/20040120-7.html. June Kronholz, "The Bush Budget Proposal: College Grants and Loans Get $4.4 Billion Boost," The Wall Street Journal, February 3, 2004. http://edworkforce.house.gov/democrats/pellgrantsummary.html)

Note: All this is in light of the soaring costs to attend a college these days and a nationwide decrease in the average wages.

As we creep toward the November election, it may be appropriate for the President to ask his famous question again.

From the galactically stupid...

Everynight is free beer night in Tampa.

....yeah, this is a fantastic idea. Right up there with Disco Demolition night at Old Comiskey and other bright ideas.

Hat tip: Berkowitz.

Sports Query

Besides Michael Wilbon, does anyone watch the NBA anymore?

Who Killed Nick Berg?

It's the question plaguing the world right now, despite the fact that the killers videotaped themselves committing the act and explained their affiliation with a known terrorist group.

The response of the man-on-the-street Iraqi appears to be a combination of the average American's response to the prison torture scandal and Senator Inhofe's response. They are outraged by the acts of their countrymen, but hint that the victim (or at least his country) was asking for it.

The family of Mr. Berg, who is most deserving of the sympathy of the world for their terrible loss, blames the United States.

Meanwhile, the wingnut right in America is certain that it was CBS who killed Mr. Berg.

Rabid conservative Americans aren't the only ones who like to find blame in the media rather than in despicable acts themselves. The state-conrolled media in Iran accuses the Western media of using the Berg slaying to distract attention from the abuse of prisoners in Iraq.

It seems that Iran and certain fringe right-wing elements in this country agree that the best approach to atrocious acts is the approach Syria took to the Berg beheading atrocity... don't report it at all.

All of this is absurd. All of it. The blame for this gruesome act lies squarely on the heads of those who committed it and those who ordered it. The same goes for the prisoner torture scandal. The world is entitled to know about both atrocities and the world is righfully enraged by both atrocities, but to blame anyone but those responsible is deeply shameful and simply begs for escalation.

Russert, what gives?

Last night, I stayed up watching Comedy Central's Daily Show (welcome back, Stephen Colbert), mostly to hear Tim Russert's take on everything that's been happening. Needless to say, I was a little disappointed.

As you know, Russert is one of the most well-respected reporters in the land. His show "Meet the Press" continually hosts the biggest names in politics and he is regarded as a fair-minded, neutral reporter by both sides.

For the most part, Russert was hocking his new book, which is understandable the guy's entitled to make a living and should strike while the iron's hot. But, (1) the book is surprisingly apolitical for a guy with such a background; (2) the book's really schmaltzy, really (not like there's anything wrong with that); and (3) Russert isn't that funny.

Granted Russert had to walk a delicate line considering he was appearing on such a politically slanted show and I'm sure the conservative pundits were licking their chops, ready to label him just another liberally biased reporter. But, I guess, given his stature in the political world, I was hoping for a little more insight from him, a little more candid commentary, a little more gore, but in the end, all I got was puppy dogs, cotton candy, and pictures of his tots. I felt like I was watching the Oxygen channel on cable for a minute there.

Next time, I'd rather have them just put the rat cage on my face and end it.

Compassionate conservatism to continue?

Nancy Reagan appeals to Bush for expanded stem cell research as hubby slips further and further away.

She was introduced by actor Michael J. Fox, who suffers from Parkinson's disease, and was widely applauded by a Hollywood audience that included movie stars and other celebrities.

Mrs. Reagan made her views on stem cell research known more three years ago, becoming one of the first conservative-minded public figures to buck the Bush administration's restrictive funding policy.

Since then, prominent Republicans such as Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch and Pennsylvania Sen. Arlen Specter have also endorsed the research....

Still, growing numbers of federal lawmakers - including several
staunch anti-abortion Republicans and party stalwarts like Senate
Majority Leader Bill Frist, who is also a heart surgeon - are
lobbying Mr. Bush to reconsider his policy. Last month, 206 members of
Congress sent Mr. Bush a letter calling on him to reconsider his stem
cell policy.

The Prez may have to revisit this with so many GOPers on board. But again, that may require mulling something over for a change.

No worries, just shake the Magic 8 Ball, George. It'll show you the way.

What a difference a week makes

President Bush defending the war in Iraq last week in Michigan:

"Because we acted, the torture rooms are closed."

Hmmmmmmm, oh how ignorance is bliss.

Has there ever been a more detached president? Superb!

Incompetent Inhofe

Perhaps you heard Senator Inhofe (R - OK) proclaim this morning that he was more outraged by the outrage over the Iraq prison torture issue than at the torture itself. Maybe you witnessed his diatribe against the reaction of our nation's collective conscience to what occurred in that prison. Maybe you, like me, wonder... who the hell would stand before our nation and say:

"I'm probably not the only one up at this table that is more outraged by the outrage than we are by the treatment," he said.

While he was speaking, fellow Republican Senator John McCain got up and left the room. Mr. McCain, who was captured and tortured during the Vietnam War, told reporters that he rejected Mr. Inhofe's position

Here's a little background for you. Explains alot, doesn't it?

Also, did I actually hear a Republican Senator tried to blame this on President Clinton?

McCain't Gonna Work on Kerry's Farm...

Andrew Sullivan makes the argument for a Kerry/McCain ticket.

It would be a superb combination. I think most Republicans, deep down in places they don't talk about at parties, have wished in retrospect that McCain had won the 2000 GOP primary (Bush can thank his proud new message of compassionate conservatism, as well as some All-American push-polling). McCain commands respect from everyone. He was on the Daily Show last night, and when Stewart mentioned his name the left-leaning audience virtually erupted with applause. Why? Because he is an excellent specimen of a dying breed: Statesmen.

However, McCain has been very clear:

``I don't want to be vice president of the United States,'' Mr. McCain said on CBS, adding that he enjoyed his work in the Senate. ``I do not want to leave the Republican Party. I would not be vice president of the United States on either ticket.''

Sorry, buddy.

They Hate America

Last week, the House passed a resolution condemning the actions of American soldiers who abused/tortured prisoners in Iraq. The resolution passed by a vote of 365-50. The question immediately came to mind: who are those 50 who voted against it?

I have to admit that I first thought it would be a bunch of rowdy GOP members who refused to condemn actions of the soldiers who were under the command of President Bush while we were at war. You know... because that would mean that they hated America. But I guess all of the Republicans but one were fine with hating America on this one. It was 49 Democrats who refused to condemn the soldiers' actions.

The reason these Democrats refused to vote for the resolution?

The Republicans refused to add language calling for congressional hearings on the role of private military contractors at the Abu Ghraib prison where the abuses apparently took place. In short, the GOP wanted a resolution with no teeth... Just something to make it look like our leadership was doing something, but without calling for any actual action.

So, to recap the GOP position:

(1) Forcibly sodomizing inmates with broomstick; riding naked woman prisoner around like donkey; forcing prisoners to masturbate and attacking them with dogs --- condemned, but no Congressional investigation necessary

(2) Consensual oral sex between married man and mistress --- condemned; investigation necessary; IMPEACH, IMPEACH

Cryptographers uncover blacked-out words

This is cool (or not). You know those redacted (blacked-out) portions of declassified documents that the government releases only after countless FOIA requests and intense public pressure?

Well, cryptographers in Europe have figured out how to unmask those hidden words. By way of example, Eurocrypt analyzed the infamous Intelligence PDB released in April to the 9/11 commission and revealed that the intelligence group source blacked out in the portion, stating that Osama bin Laden was planning an attack in the United States, was actually Egypt's.

The cryptographers used mathematical equations based on probabilities and measurements of the font used to narrow the possible words that could fit in that blackened area. (I'm not sure what the crypts would've done if the blacked-out area was more than a word or two.)

This development can only have serious repercussions for future FOIA releases (as the NYT mentions briefly): (1) the govt. may further restrict ever releasing certain documents for fear of threatening national security; and/or (2) the govt. may overly redact entire sections in order to protect the identity of only a few words.

I can just feel that chilling effect. Damn those scientists!

Hat tip: Slate

Fair, Balanced, Snotty

Our nation's leading news organization is threatening to sue a billboard company that refuses to post this message across from CNN headquarters in Atlanta:

"Now that CNN's Ratings are Gone With the Wind, Our Work on This Board is Done. We Love You Atlanta. --- Brought to you by your friends at Fox News Channel. --- Sign up with AMERICA'S NEWSROOM! Forward resumes to resume@foxnews.com."

We're very proud of you, Fox News. You have surely brought new standards to journalism.

PACMANHATTAN

So how about I dress up like Pac Man, you guys dress up like ghosts, and we go out and, like, play it for real.

Ha! Gotcha!

No way, dude. My power pellet was still active.

Hey Crackhead!

Hilarious Craigslist post.

I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop.

Something Symbolic Necessary

The world is waiting. If US credibility was shot before this prisoner abuse scandal, now it's been firestormed, sandblasted, lasered, irradiated, and then shot some more for good measure. Something symbolic is necessary: close the prison, let some of the captives go, fire Rummy, make the victims whole, all of the above. Whatever it is, it better happen fast or this horrible blight will only get worse.

Two Good Legs: Testimonials

When Abe first approached me about joining him on this blog, I was ecstatic. I started a blog last year, but I found daily updating it with interesting musings and links to articles too much for one man. He then told me the title and although initially sceptical of the obvious political connotations, I've warmed up to FDR's "Two Good Legs" quote (see right panel) as our underlying theme.

I guess what illustrates FDR's quote most vividly for me is the glaring differences of opinion during the 2000 Election, most specifically after the debates. I remember intently watching each debate with law school friends and us commenting on how Al Gore was just making G.W. Bush look like an uneducated fool. Case in point (paraphased):

Topic: what's your view on affirmative action?

Al: (long winded techno-babble answer but nonetheless magnanimous, probably re: some answer about righting past wrongs and levelling playing field)

George: I am against quotas.

Al to George: Do you agree with the position of the US Supreme Court on affirmative action?

George: I don't know that case, but I do know that I'm against quotas.

Law students yelling in background: You, idiot, quotas were outlawed with Regents of the University of California v. Bakke, 438 US 265 (1978). Gore's going to kill this guy come November!

During the debate, we knew the point Al was making, but what we didn't realize was that his point was lost on a good percentage of the United States. Later we realized that it wasn't the only instance of Gore not identifying with a good percentage of voters.

We poured out of the house and went out on the town. In the cab ride to the bars, NPR said reactions to the debates were split 50/50. We were miffed. Were they watching the same debate? Every issue Gore looked like a seasoned policy wonk and Bush a backwater idiotbox. How could there be any question?

Well, we all know what happened.

When I think of "Two Good Legs," I think of moments like back in 2000 when I could not believe that others watched the same debates and had completely different opinions on the outcome. It's frustrating to say the least. Makes me wonder whether it was out of frustration for the opposition party that FDR quipped his famous TGL's remark.

Anyway, that's my story. But I'm sure others have their own stories too, good and bad. Some sad, ending in divorces, breakups, and broken dishes; others, however, pleasant, taking place on lakes and with noodle salad.

In this spirit, I leave you with a story of one fellow who knows all too well what FDR was talking about:

I can walk just about anywhere. I mean I'VE got two good legs, two good feet. I just have a broken head. In other words, I have no balance. Just walking ten feet without a cane or any aides such as a walker, is like walking on a TIGHTROPE across the Grand Canyon. I, always feel unsteady or like I'M going to lose my balance, a very uneasy feeling. Just like being drunk or high. This is my fault though because, I actually remember wishing, one day, when I was drunk or high, that I could feel that way all the time. While I don't remember actually praying to keep that feeling, it came true as if I had prayed for it to happen. Now, I really believe in the power of prayer but, I'LL never wish even for things that I won't really want in the future. So, be careful what you wish for.

Are you listening, Calvary Charge?

I can only say: well, bud (CC), it's never too late. We have this site. You should stop in sometime and maybe that road to redemption could be a bit shorter.

It's Goal: World Domination!

Burbed Out

One word in Rudy's post below sent a needle into my spine: "Burberry".
This is the 21st Century's mark of the beast.

The women (and metrosexual men) in Chicago are covered in this stuff. They put it everywhere.

Now, don't get me wrong. If you were wearing Burberry ten years ago because you liked the gentile Olde Engish flair and were willing to spend three hundred dollars on a scarf, I don't fault you. Well, I guess I still do. Three hundred clams? But now, it's a bizarre status symbol, and is beyond cliche'. Look, I'm so rich I can put Burberry in places where I know it will get covered in urine and sticky fruit juice.

I was going to just get the chair upholstered with laminated hundred dollar bills, but this was more expensive:

If the options are
(1) skate, or
(2) die..
I will skate, damn you.
But I shall do it on my own terms!

As with all gangs, it's best to indoctrinate into The Burb Marauders young.

Seriously.
No, seriously.
Why would you do this?
Why?

Draw that line with permanent marker

The purists win over the capitalists. MLB finally pulled the plug on pasting advertisements on bases next month for Spider Man II. You have to draw the line somewhere. I draw it at the bases. Put billboards on the outfield walls, even an ensignia on the jersey or racing Heinz ketchup bottles on Jumbotrons, but leave the bases, the basepaths, the actual field, and home plate alone.

Is that so wrong? Is that anti-capitalist? Un-american? Call me a Commi, I don't care. I draw the line when it comes to certain attempts by multi-national conglomerates to interrupt my daily life with their over-the-top advertisements and mass consumerism. I draw the line at the bases. And if you care, I also draw the line at paying people to tattoo themselves with corporate logos, at naming new planets after the Microsofts, at giving Coca-Cola or Pepsi such a large stake in our schools that there's a pop machine every ten feet ready to rot our children's teeth, at subliminal messages being sent to TV viewers in commercials that say "try my burger" or "wear my Burberry" or "drive this car," at gratuitous plugs in TV shows or movies that detract from the quiet enjoyment of that entertainment ("Nuprin," little yellow different), and while I'm at it, I draw the line at appointing former officials of a corrupt energy company to top cabinet posts to reward them for their support (and use of corp. jet) during the 2000 election.

Sadly, if you don't draw that line, they will draw it for you.

Blog out.

Searching for the real Pat Tillman

A truer portrait of the man comes out when friends, family speak at his funeral. You can't help admire him more.

Moises Parts the Yellow Stream

Cavalry Charge Misses the Boat.

It's unfortunate that some pundits out there are so obsessed with ridiculing the other side that they fail to focus on the real issues. Just ghastly.

George Huff: Great American Story

In honor of George's departure last night, a little earlier than this prognosticator expected, comes George's own tribute website.

Check this out.

Is that George or Bobby M.?

Hat tip: Droopy.

How bad is the VP's ailing heart?

While at FSU to speak at graduation, D. Cheney had a nearby hospital prepared, complete with "flowers, a big TV set and Secret Service agents outside the door" -- just in case.

Hat tip: Salon via Political Wire.

If you're wondering, next in line of succession: Dennis Hastert.

MacGyver up to same old tricks

He never ceases to amaze.

Hat tip: Travolta on roll this morning.

Further evidence that our society's filled with wackos

Read this; it'll make your blood boil.

Hat tip: Travolta.

You mean we wouldn't have ever had that Nixon character, no Watergate?

Here's an excellent read I came across last month and I'm glad The Atlantic finally posted it. Scott Stossel explains how the Kennedy family caught in the throes of Bobby's assasination deep-sixed the Democrats in 1968 by not throwing support toward brother-in-law and Chicagoan, Sargent Shriver (Maria's dad), who was on the verge of being chosen as Hubert Humphrey's running mate. As a result, the Kennedys may have accidentally thrown the election to Richard Milhouse.

This all over a family squabble. And the man who could've made everything right, repairing the family breach in the nick of time, had his own problems.

I highly recommend it.

First sign of the Apocalypse

On the way home from work (I ride my bike to and from), I was caught behind a slow-moving, 55yr-old man listening to his ipod and cruising on his Segway!!

I'm serious.

Why I watch American Idol, and other ramblings

TOD at Calvary Charge asks, what do you guys see in this thing [Idol]?

CC is absolutely right about last night's American Idol and totally justified in asking why I waste my time watching it. I wasn't going to blog about Idol today but CC deserves some explanation.

First, why I watch Idol: in simplest terms, my girlfriend. Why I have been consumed with it to the point I publish rambling blogs on it: well, I've always liked watching karaoke at bars but only as a spectator. The funniest things happen. Those people get so into it, plus they're usually sauced. Some actually do circuits around the city and have prepared material.

Especially in the first couple of rounds, a lot that you see at karaoke nights you see on Idol (exhibit A, your honor, William Hung). After that, you're hooked. You first watch for comedic value and then you begin rooting for certain people, like any reality show. As it goes along, you try predicting the finish and so on.

Second, to address last night, it was abysmal, as Simon is known to say, a complete bore. Problem #1: horrible theme. At its worst, "big band" night was a bad idea if there ever was one: teenage pop singers crooning was destined to flop.

At its best, "big band" night was designed for one contestant only and that contestant was John Stevens who was bounced last week. (John was this prepubescent redheaded one-trick pony who could only sing Sinatra songs. B/c he was different he had throngs of fans who religiously voted for him allowing him to stay longer than he deserved.)

Problem #2, all the personality has been eliminated from the show. Although admittedly they were far from the best singers in the lot, John Peter Lewis, John Stevens, Jen Hudson, even that dufus Kango-hat wearing football player made you laugh either from their unpredictable singing, Elaine-from-Seinfeld-esque dancing or general nerdiness. Thus, the lack of freakshows has made for a boring one-hour show.

Now, we are left with:
Fantasia who is tremendously gifted;

Latoya who is nice to look at and finally put in a winning performance last night but is as boring as my stapler;

George Huff, who can't stop his facial contortions or his over exuberance but nonetheless is one of the last cut from the same cloth as JPL, Stevens, etc;

Jasmine, who just reminds me of all the ditzy sorority girls I met in college (ummm, I'm really, really excited to be at your party, thank you so so much......). While it was a good move to lose the flower, why were you wearing jeans and those gaudy 80s chains from your waist for such a formal night, for such serious songs?

Diana, I hate to say it but can anyone say Miss Piggy. That dress! Decent voice and filled with bubbly but nothing there. I don't know what the judges see in her. Must be a performing-live thing.

Anyway, that's the sum of it. I hope I answered your questions, or reasoned why Superstar and I aren't entirely crazy. If the show doesn't pick up a little bit, I may end up abandoning it just like you seem to be. But for now, I just hope a little of the old black magic returns.

Prediction for tonight: bye-bye Jasmine.

Here, drink this

Man charged with putting Xanax in co-workers coffee. Co-worker allegedly dropped drug in her drink as a practical joke to "calm her down" because she was "too hyper."

There's always that one person at the office who could use a chill pill....

Hat tip: Travolta.

Abu Ghraib incident: a natural consequence of U.S. hubris

The Administration should stop searching for names, ranks, and serial numbers of those guilty of the reprehensible prisoner abuse at the Abu Ghraib prison. It is clear that those most responsible are sitting right here in Washington, D.C.

They appear in commercials, at press conferences, hide in undisclosed secret locations, work at the Pentagon. One is even running for re-election as president this November.

They are the very same people who for the past several years have thumbed their noses at international laws and norms, such as the Kyoto accords, SALT treaties, and the Geneva Convention on Human Rights, which long have governed the conduct of nations. They are the ones that scoffed at international organizations such as the UN, which better men fought tooth and nail to establish because they were in the best interest of the US and the world.

It is this contemptuous attitude that pervades the current Administration and causes the world to denounce the US as arrogant. It is this attitude that runs roughshod over basic human rights of those held at Camp X-ray in Guantanamo, in brigs on ships stationed off our Atlantic coast, in tent camps in Afghanistan, and in Iraq.

It is this attitude that ramrods through legislation that undermines the rights of all Americans. That tells civilian courts to buzz off when they try prying into alleged human rights/civil liberties abuses. And that snubs its nose at a bipartisan commission looking into the tragedy of 9-11; that is, delaying and delaying until the political backlash is so great that they’re compelled to make an appearance, but only if it’s off the record, without an oath, and Dick’s there for support.

And now this hubris has trickled down to the lower ranks. Those disgusting photos speak volumes not only of those directly involved but reflect our government’s general disdain for the countries, cultures, and systems of rest of the world.

It is this very attitude that will unsurprisingly continue to create similar consequences until some change occurs.

From the Wash. Post OP/Ed from this morning:
Senior officers and administration officials responsible for creating the lawless system of detention and interrogation employed in Afghanistan, Iraq and elsewhere since 2001 should be held accountable. And the system itself must, at last, be changed to conform with the Geneva Conventions and other international norms of human rights. Congress, above all, must finally begin to exercise its authority to oversee and regulate the administration's handling of foreign detainees. That several of its senior Republican members were proclaiming themselves shocked yesterday to learn of the abuses -- as if none had been previously reported -- was itself shameful.

Shameful is an understatement.

It’s an unfortunate truth that the standards of our country start at the top. They begin with the actions and attitudes exhibited on a daily basis and eventually find their way into laws and regulations. They are exhibited in the way our leadership deals with other countries and the way we treat even those who purport to be our enemies. It is these standards that set the trend for other arms of a government and eventually trickle down to the lowest common denominator of our nation and are imported beyond.

The undeniable truth is that the US sets the gold standard in terms of military might and economic prowess to which many countries aspire. It is considered the leader of the world. When civil wars break out, earthquakes devastate, warlords torture, crops die, countries call out for our aid in distress. They call for the US to police or monitor an election or send its doctors.

From this standpoint, the US is the leader, whether it likes it or not, and its influence far reaching. But influence extends beyond mere displays of military wizardry and financial robustness. Other countries as well as people are influenced by the standards of humanity that a country represents. It is here where the Administration is failing. The standards it sets and the messages it sends are heard above everything else.

Unfortunately, that message is: we don’t give a damn about you.