The chief in his bubble

Okay, I admit, I didn't watch the President's State of the Union address last night. Instead, I went shopping at the local "soviet" Safeway for groceries (i.e., long lines and nothing on the shelves) and watched my Illini crush the Badgers in Madison.

You've probably seen the University of Illinois, my alma mater, in the news of late in regard to its "mascot," Chief Illiniwek. And it's not good. You see, the NCAA last fall deemed the Illinois mascot and nickname "hostile and abusive" to American Indians and gave the university until today, February 1, 2006, to abandon both or be banned from post-season play.

The university appealed and had their nickname, "Illini," reinstated after the school pulled some research out of their ass that the name was actually a derivation from the state's name and not from any tribe. Wait, isn't the state's name derived from an Indian tribe? No matter, it flew for the NCAA but they still said no to the university's dancing fratboy Chief Illiniwek, who performs a mock war dance at halftimes in full buckskins and Indian headdress.

Now, the university is appealing the mascot ban, again. The reasons: (1) it's not a mascot but a performer and (2) the NCAA's decision was "arbitrary and capricious." You can tell these arguments were found at the bottom of the barrel. The first is a distinction without a distinction, pure semantics.

The second, insults the very people you are trying to convince to cut you a break. "Judge, listen, please reconsider your previous decision that you already thought long and hard about because it was a decision of crazy man, made without reason. You weren't thinking. Maybe you had a bad day that day. Didn't take your medicine. But clearly if you thought AGAIN, you'll change your mind."

Good luck with those.

Frankly, I don't like the Chief, never have. I think the main reasons to have a mascot are to bring the fanbase together, to rally the troops, and cater to the children in the stands. Once it is proven that the mascot disrupts the fans, pisses them off, and actually divides the home crowd, then it's time to get another mascot. They're a dime a dozen. Major League Baseball teams regularly jettison mascots out the ballpark door. Growing up, I remember Ribby and Rhubarb as the Whitesox mascots, now it's Southpaw. Did I abandon the team b/c they fired the mascot? No, even through the Ivan Calderon days and many a loss, I remained in the stands for the last out.

In terms of change to ethnic sounding nicknames and mascots, who even remembers that the Stanford Cardinal were the Indians when John Elway was there? The other day, I had to be reminded that Syracuse was once the Orangemen, not the Orange.

With Illinois, the board of trustees is fighting a foolish battle that only they feel is just. As an alum, Chief Illiniwek embarrasses me. In 1999, I attended a college basketball tournament game in Sacramento, CA, between the Maryland Terrapins and the Fighting Illini. The chief performed at halftime and I never was so embarrassed to have attended Illinois then, then.

The blond-haired fratboy painted and feathers flowing strode out to halfcourt and began his high kicking. Only a couple of the 12,000 fans stood proudly with their arms folded at their chests. The rest were appalled at the sight, staring in disbelief that in the year before the new millennium such an insensitive act was being performed before their eyes. It was as if a man was jumping around with a white pointed hood on to honor the team.

Before a home crowd, everyone in the stands would be revering the dancer. Away, they were revolting.

Now, I love the Illini and try to watch everyone of their games here in D.C. but I know the time for Chief Illiniwek has come and gone. As I learned that memorable day in March 1999, once the Chief is out of his support bubble in the suburbs of Chicago and held to the standards of the rest of America, how quickly it's apparent that we should all be appalled.

To my alma mater, guys/gals, pop the bubble. Let the chief go! Let the Chief go!