Idol Chatter--Night One, Freaktown, U.S.A.

Wow! The freaks were out last night. Do I begin with the girl with the mysterious scrapes on her arm, who allegedly got dressed in the dark, or the large gentleman draped in purple, with the purple headband, singing "Somewhere Over a Rainbow" and setting records with holding notes?

Wow! And I haven't even mentioned the looney toons at the end who was hearing voices and singing in tongues ("they're telling me that Mark McGrath is a hottie"). Or the recovering alcoholic (5.9%) who just a couple of days ago (about the same time he gave up the sauce) found God, and also, that he could sing (in apparently multi-personalities). Or the two ADHD/ADD, mildly attractive, young girls who both just lost it when they weren't picked (one dropped to all fours, the other flipped in rage)? Images of Veruca Salt come to mind.

And the scariest of all, for me, was Toni Braxton's "cousin" from Baltimore who sang like Braxton on morphine and gave angry commentary throughout his toneless, unintelligible performance. ("Randy, what have you done in the industry? Mark McGrath, you one-hit wonder. Paula, three platinums? When I'm done, I'll have 8!)

Wow! Quite a mix of crazies. At the end of the two hours, my only three thoughts were: (1) guilt, for wasting 2 hours of my life watching dimestore karoake, making fun of people I don't know as if I were back in grade school all over (sans the acne and peanut butter sandwiches); (2) man, I wish I had a psychology degree so I can make on-the-spot diagnoses of all the psychological disorders of the varied contestants, what a case study that'd be, like watching the Simpson's in law school and naming all the Torts that occurred in the half-hour show; and (3) after wasting two hours of torture and enduring ear-splitting singing, my last, and most pervading thought was, I can't wait for the next episode!