Enough Already!

I know that I've said it before, but if I read another article that ends with the ignominious "stay tuned," I will gouge my eyes out with this wooden ruler. What a cheap way to end a story. It's as if the writer so can't wait to finish his drivelling tripe that he is willing to cheapen it further by using the oldest, most worn out trick known to the modern world.

Is it the command, "(you) stay tuned," which drives me batty?---as if the writer has such control over me (hey, he got me reading the article in the first place) that he even can control me in the foreseeable future. That could be it. But it also could be because the nefarious phrase reminds me of all the "Batman" shows that I watched so diligently as a kid waiting for that climatic ending when my hero in his purple tights saves the day, finally capturing his foe, only to be disappointed with a sigh time after time when the announcer says, "Stay tuned next time, friends. Same bat channel, same bat time...."

Oh, how that phrase even today infuriates me. The irony of things: Not only was the bad guy's plot to rule Gotham foiled but my dream as the viewer of a final ending was likewise thwarted. For a young innocent child, the "Batman" experience is his first real taste of disappointment, which will resonate throughout his long life. Every evening, the Fox Network uses similar teasers for their nightly news: "Do you drink water while sitting down? Do you wear socks to bed? See how drinking water while sitting down and wearing socks to bed can actually kill you. Tonight on News at 11."...

And how many times do you actually get around to watching that news program for the answers? An episode of the Sopranos or your tenth time watching "Meet the Parents" invariably interferes. Yet another of life's questions left unanswered.

So here now is this article from today's Chicago SunTimes, which caused the latest commotion. If you're listening SunTimes or anyone else who writes articles that I may someday read, please stop the bleeding. Stop saying "stay tuned" ; it's not only tiresome but conjures up painful memories of heroic men in colorful tights and bad guys with dark lip stick.

Besides, is it even possible to "tune" anymore? We no longer own receivers that need to be adjusted to proper frequency. Point and click is more applicable. Really, they should say, "Point and click next time." I could probably live with that.